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I’m sorry to hear about your current pain. In my judgement the intensity and tone of your desire to hold onto your friend at all costs is unhealthy for you both. It is important for your own well-being and development (as well as that of your friend) to allow the relationship to end. You should turn your attention to strengthening and nurturing your own soul. As your self-confidence grows and you are able to find joy in other areas of life you will be better able to deal with the loss.